I was going through and cleaning up some of the things in my facebook and came across this…for those of you who are Kung Fu fans or just a regular person, you’ll get a good laugh from what I wrote a long time ago…enjoy. Keep on designing…
Secret Technique I: Penguin Charge
Requires short range and heavy self-reliance. One must acquire complete concentration and full awareness of surroundings. To know one’s environment when using such a technique will bring absolute conquest of one’s opponent. Failure in this measure brings nothing but disastrous results.
Secret Technique II: Doom’s Day Shin Kick
Stealth and agility are needed at the utmost highest levels, (preferably level 50). The goal of this technique is to strike like cobra or sting like wasp, connecting directly with opponent’s shin. The strike should be so fast that the opponent barely feels it. However, over time, perhaps fifty years or so, he will submit to his injury to where he grieves to walk.
Secret Technique III: Twisting-Vanilla Finger Strike
Fatiguing opponents is a crucial part of the martial arts, especially if one’s opponent shows an exuberant amount of stamina. Using this technique is tricky, but once mastered, prodding one’s opponent to the point of irritation and exhaustion becomes second nature. Power and agility must be used with caution. Having this technique countered may end in ruptured extremities.
Secret Technique IV: The Nipple Nibbler
Take caution when performing this technique. It is a powerful maneuver, yet can send one’s opponent into a frenzy for vengeance. However, this technique attacks opponents’ vulnerable chest regions and shames their manhood when they squeal like a girl. Such a powerful technique can cause bruising and even future cancerous results.
Secret Technique V: Joe-Boxer’s Special
This is a simple technique that can only be mastered when performing the art of “sagging.” Master this art first, and one can blind an opponent by making them cover their eyes. In several swift moments, they will be rendered defenseless and will be unable to attack.
Crouching Tigger, Hidden Pooh